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I don't sing and Bono shouldn't write.

In an era where Malcolm Gladwell reports that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to be any good, what made the New York Times believe that Bono could write opinion pieces worth reading? He can come over to my house any time and serenade me with "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," but I'll ignore what he puts down via his word processor, unless I want to laugh and be reminded that rock stars are just like us, only richer.

I mean read about his New Year's Eve. Doesn't sound that different from mine. Or yours, probably. So you're drunk in a bar...WHOOPEE! And then you start rambling like a high school sophomore about your brushes with fame. Yup, that's what David Letterman calls them, when the ordinary meet the extraordinary. But Letterman plays it for entertainment value, whereas Bono's playing it for truth.

But let's not focus on his writing, how about Bono the VC! Elevation Partners is single-handedly keeping Palm alive. But you can't find a tech writer who believes the company will survive. I mean how many people have been itching to show you their new Centro recently? Has ANYBODY told you about Palm's new models, just announced?

It's about mobile e-mail on a BlackBerry or apps on an iPhone. A Palm is like a Haircut 100 record. A hit once, but no one even wants to go to the reunion show.

This is the emperor's new clothes. Why did the New York Times make this deal? Didn't Bono have to submit any samples? Couldn't they have rejected this piss-poor piece before they printed it? Can't they cancel the deal now?

Musicians complain that today everybody plays. That they're competing with amateurs employing GarageBand and posting their substandard material on MySpace. The good stuff just can't get TRACTION! I've got to believe a ton of Times writers are tearing their hair out today. Their jobs are in jeopardy, but a bunch of ink can be used up by this poser? It's like letting a Little Leaguer take swings in a Major League game!

But you're sitting there snickering, saying who cares about the New York Times anyway. You're right. The New York Times is about as prepared for the Net future as the record companies were. And you know how that played out. Putting Bono in the paper is like a label head insisting that CDs are great, that the older generation loves them!

The younger generation doesn't care about U2. Maybe because the band's been playing it safe, repeating itself throughout this decade. Rumor has it that they're back to experimentation, testing limits like they did with Achtung Baby. I hope this is true, that's my second-favorite U2 album, and when I first heard it, I didn't understand it. But it demanded further listening. And it revealed itself to me.

I can't say that I fully understand Bono's piece today. But I'm not interested in rereading it ad infinitum. Because I don't like the tone. It's not hole up in the bunker and create something new and different, that challenges society, rather it's about parading. No different from Paris Hilton saying LOOK AT ME!

But Paris does it a lot better.

But we don't think Paris has any artistic talent. And we're supposed to believe that Bono does.

Well, his image took a big hit today.

You're better off reading the playlist of the guy with cancer. That's a lot more heartfelt and interesting... AND COMPREHENSIBLE!

Bono: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/opinion/11bono.html?_r=1&ref=opinion

Cancer patient: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/weekinreview/11jennings.html?scp=1&sq=cancer%20playlist&st=cse