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Being a mover, a shaker and someone who will eventually die, crushed by the weight of the crap I have collected, I occasionally get told about things that are about to happen before they actually do. This is NOT clairvoyance. It's called publicists doing their job. Since I only leave the house to collect my government cheese, I rely on the words of others to explain the day and then I share it with my loving, caring audience who often show their love in the most unusual of ways. ("You Suck" is just one more way of saying "I Love You," I know).

Imagine, if you will, the emotional and intellectual frisson that occurred when I heard the news that there is to be a sorta PUNK ROCK AUCTION pulled together by the legendary Christie's (see Christies.com), the world's leading art business with 85 offices in 43 countries! It really does prove that Joe Strummer adage that he who cohabitates with nuns will eventually join the church.

Yes, Tuesday, June 23, 2009, a day that should rank right up there in infamy along with whatever day it was that Sid Vicious died, Christie's will auction authentic PUNK ROCK MEMORABILIA as part of their Popular Culture auction at Rockefeller Center in New York City, a place where from the best of my knowledge no punk rock show has ever been successfully pulled off--but they still have one heckuva Christmas Tree, no? (Looks to me like you can bid online as well. Ah, the Internet!)

Among the items listed, we have crap, I mean collectibles, from the Velvet Underground, including promotional stickers, rare posters and record store promotional display ads that wouldn't be nearly so valuable if all the world's mothers didn't throw the stuff out when their offspring went away to college. 

We've got stuff from the Sex Pistols, Clash, Ramones, Blondie, a twelve set of photos of L.A.'s "The Germs" that comes with a letter from the photographer (Theresa K., whose Germs photo and personal exhibit poster you see pictured here) excusing you from gym for the day! And even stuff from Nirvana, that band that sold all those CDs when no one else did.

By all means, sell your car and bid $2,000 to $20,000 on whatever strikes your fancy! It might just be a rare Xerox of a Joy Division gig announcement, but it could provide you with incalculable joy that will eventually lower your blood pressure and allow you to live a few extra weeks when the time comes.

You just never know!

That's what so great about life. If you miss it the first time around, there is ALWAYS someone able to sell it back to you somewhere down the road. You think Richard Hell wasn't banking on this back in 1977?

Anyhow, in honor of this incredible moment in time--I'd call it a harmonic convergence, but punk rock wasn't known for its harmony--I offer up the ten items I would gladly bid on if they were available through a Punk Rock Auction. All you need is ten thousand dollars and a dream!

I invite you to do the same. Remember this is punk rock and in accordance is pretty gross stuff. Don't tell your mom.

10) Stiv Bators' Jockstrap: OK, Stiv probably never owned a jockstrap. But if he did, it would make a nice memento. Gross and incongruous = punk rock!

9) An Original Manuscript Of The Gang Of Four's Political Manifesto: Once obtained, I could figure out what the heck they're singing about on all those wonderful songs that are apparently twice as smart as me.

8) Authentic Peanut Butter Once Smeared On Iggy Pop: Surely someone was wise enough to save some of that Jiffy before Iggy washed it off his body a few days later.

7) A Bottle Of Romilar Emptied By Lester Bangs: Lester, "the rock journalist," wrote tons about great music and he also wrote quite a bit about Romilar. His typewriter would take up too much space, but a bottle of liquid courage or whatever the heck he considered it would be just the thing for a failed writer such as myself to stare at for inspiration. LET IT BE!

6) Anything Worn By Chrissie Hynde (Not Picky On This One): At first I was going to be specific, but then I realized I'll take what I can get.

5) Poly Styrene's Braces: I'm assuming she had them removed at some point. Unless she has the worst orthodontist in the world.

4) A Piece Of Pizza Crust Left Over By Joey Ramone: When I think Ramones, I think pizza. Since the Ramones were like the Pizza of Punk Rock. No one doesn't like them. And if you do, there's something wrong with you. What next, you don't like cheeseburgers?

3) An Inspirational Self-Help Book Owned By Ian Curtis: Did the late Joy Division singer even own one? If so, big help. I would love to see if Curtis took notes and / or underlined important passages.

2) A Safety Pin Worn On The Body Of Sid Vicious: There are a lot worse things I could request from Sid. Maybe I should go for one of his bass strings. It would probably be all bloody but basically unharmed since he barely played with them.

1) Authentic Puke From Johnny Rotten: What could be more punk rock than the vomit of its leading actor? It would have to be from the time he was actually called Johnny Rotten. I don't want Lydon spew. That's not worth half as much. We have to have some kind of standard.